craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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