I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
