I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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