worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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