I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
