: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
