as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
