dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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