Small penises have feelings too.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
