I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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