I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
