i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
