Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
