Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
