i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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