so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
