He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
