I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
