things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You are the jesus of drinking
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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