You really coming over, don't trick.
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
