It's like God shit irony all over that family
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
