Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
