this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
