they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
