I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
