my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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