omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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