All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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