paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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