so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
His nipple licking is glorious
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