...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
