And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
