im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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