I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
