I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
