The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm passing your future prison.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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