Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
