after a month anything with tits is on the radar
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
