You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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