Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
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