Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
