This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
