I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
