I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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