Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
