I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
