I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
