I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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