We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
the day after is always just damage control
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
