im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
As shirtless as possible
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
