apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
