After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
