I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
